How to Ask For What You Want

Ep.027Truth&TequilaQ&A (tp)

Welcome to Truth + Tequila!

These episodes are dedicated to answering any and all questions you have navigating the areas of spirit, sex and of course, igniting your mojo.

This week’s question comes from Stephanie, who simply says:

How do you tell a guy what you want without turning him off…(my question applies to sex, love and romance)?

Great question!  And I’m prefacing the answer I’m sharing with you by saying that I’m speaking to a hetero normative experience based on the way I hear your question. When I refer to gender, I’m referring to cis man or woman. Though, if your orientation differs, there are good nuggets here that can apply to your relationship preference.

It’s clear in this day and age women are more empowered than ever.  And it’s turned a lot of men off…and confused them too. But, to your question, Stephanie, we can ask for what we want while titillating him.

Timing is everything.  If he’s watching sports, working, fixing gadgets or engrossed in whatever it is he gets engrossed in – this is not the best time to start a conversation about how you’re unloved, underromanced or undersexed.   Though, this is a fine time to ‘poke’ him into some awareness.  And ladies, if you get nothing else from this, get this – in general, MEN ARE NOT IN THEIR BODIES.  They are in their heads and cocks.  So, literally touching their body reminds them that—they are in a body!

It’s your job to decode his touch response.  Some men might need a real rough touch, others a lighter loving caress, others a combination. Now, next piece is go to them without complaint.  Complaining robs a man, or really ANYONE, of energy.  And they won’t hear you.  He might here his mother, sister or boss coming through you.  But there’s no way YOU will get through.

What does translate to a man is when you tell him how you FEEL.  This means you need to know how you feel and be able to talk about it.  In general, men want to make you feel good.  Their primal urge is to provide and conquer.  So you letting them know how to provide better sex, love or romance helps them figure out the mystery.

And let’s have a moment for Praise!  PLEASE praise them whenever they do something well.  Even if it’s the smallest thing.  Like him taking out the trash.  I overheard a conversation the other week where one woman was saying to her friend, “ I tell him how I feel so loved when he’s takes out the trash.  That it makes me feel like he wants to take care of me.  And now he does it all the time without me ever asking.  I think he got how easy it is to make me happy.”

Yes.  It can be that easy.  Even with the stickier situations, like sex.  Remember, PRAISE him when he’s doing something you like.  Even a simple, “Yes baby.  Right there.  That feels so damn good” does wonders.  And your tone of voice is critical…remember, no complaining.  So when you want him to give it to you harder/faster/slower/deeper, I suggest not screeching “Fuck me (your need here) you dolt!” like a woman who’s hair just got set on fire.  Purr it to him.  Moan it to him.  Tell him your wants and desires from your pussy but through your heart.  When you do, he’ll most likely do anything you want.

As always, these episodes are FOR YOU.

And they are driven by your needs and desires to discover YOUR truth.

To have your question considered for an upcoming Truth + Tequila episode,

Go to therealundressed.com

And click submit your Q on the Truth + Tequila image.

The Real Undressed is here to inspire you to get free…in whatever way, shape or form that takes.

We’ll see you Friday for a full episode with internationally acclaimed menopause and sexual health expert, Dr. Anna Cabeca.

All right, Mojonation…as always, thanks for getting undressed with me.

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      © 2021 Deborah Kagan